Help me defattenize our friends and have a happy New Year!

Thank you for reading my blog!!!!  It's been a fun 5 months.  I have a favor to ask- if you've found my blog motivating, entertaining, scary, etc., let me give your friends reasons to reach their fitness goals too.  In other words- TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY BLOG, please.  Like us, many of them are probably going to be attempting healthy lifestyle changes in 2011, so hopefully it will give them more motivation...the more, the better.  There's my shameless plug.

Now, about new year's resolutions.   A New York Times article by Tara Parker-Pope entitled "Will Your Resolutions Last Until February?" published on 12/31/07 reports the results of a Franklin Covey poll of 15,000 customers about their new year's resolutions.  Bleak results:

"Four out of five people who make New Year’s resolutions tonight will eventually break them. In fact, a third won’t even make it to the end of January...The top resolutions for 2008 are the old standbys — get out of debt and save more, lose weight and exercise. Getting organized and spending more time with family also top the list.

Nearly 40 percent of those surveyed attribute breaking their resolutions to having too many other things to do, while 33 percent say they simply aren’t committed to the resolutions they set."

She goes on to state the potential reason: "...experts say the real problem is that people make the wrong resolutions. The typical resolution often reflects a general desire, rather than a specific goal."

There it is again, that pesky goal business.  Here's my recommendation: in terms of fitness resolutions and goals, make one difficult but attainable goal for the year.  Make it as specific as possible (for example, "I'm going to lose 30 lbs by May, averaging about 2 lbs per week until I get there"), then tell everyone you know about it.  Seriously, tell everyone.  This will add a level of social accountability and help you find allies.  As a reminder, my personal fitness goal is 6 by 6 (a six-pack by June). 

If you can't find anyone sympathetic to your goal (which is very unlikely), just remember who you have in your corner: good ol' me, Slim Goodbody, Captain Vegetable, Richard Simmons, and Carrot Top (because he has huge muscles now).

"Taking the stairs" and "parking far away" are a tiny part of the whole

I was watching a morning show today and a personal trainer suggested "taking the stairs" and "parking far away" to help meet fitness goals in 2011.

Those are good changes to make, but I know from personal experience that small lifestyle changes at most only lead to small rewards.  The problem is, naturally resisting change, people want to believe small changes are all it takes to reach big fitness goals- I've been guilty of this many times.  Also, folks on the news don't want to beat us over the head with reality because they want viewers- understandable.  I want to beat everyone over the head because I love everybody- like a mother gorilla watching over her babies.

If you believe that marginal lifestyle changes like those are ALL you need to make to reach big fitness goals like lowering body fat percentage, increasing muscle mass, lowering heart rate, losing weight, etc., I'd like to talk to you about some land I have for sale in Florida.

One woman's incredible determination might help motivate you to reach your 2011 fitness goals!

You probably haven't heard of Donna Simpson of New Jersey, but her attitude and actions powerfully motivate me to be fit.  Let me tell you about this whale of a woman and her ambitions.

Donna is a 644-pounder striving for the elite 1,000 Pound Club and the coveted "Fattest Woman in the World" title in the Guinness Book of World Records.

This mother of two recently schooled us all on how to really celebrate Christmas.  As reported in the Daily Mail on December 27th,

"(she) got 30,000 calories (one pound of fat = 3,500 calories) closer to her 1,000lb goal with a festive feast that could have fed dozens of revellers.  ...Sitting in a reinforced metal chair, (she) chowed down on the world's biggest Christmas dinner as she ate for two straight hours on Saturday.

...(She) tucked into two 25lb turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 15lbs of potatoes (10lbs roast, 5lbs mashed), five loaves of bread, five pounds of herb stuffing, four pints of gravy, four pints of cranberry dressing and an astonishing 20lbs of vegetables (at least her doctors can't grill her for not getting her 3-5 servings:).

After polishing off her enormous main course, she still had room for dessert and ate a 'salad' made of marshmallow, cream cheese, whipped cream and cookies."

The article cites her attitude about eating, "I eat as much as I want, whenever I want..." as well as a compliment she paid to folks who care about their health, "people who feel guilty about eating are hilarious."  Visit the article for more (she apparently pays for her gluttony through a website where she posts pictures and videos of herself eating- see the examiner.com article from March 16, 2010).

Some might say she embodies everything lazy, ugly, disgusting, irresponsible, and obnoxious about being fat, but I would describe her as an innovative entrepreneuse/prostitute.

Congratulations Donna, best of luck, and thank you for your well-wishes!

Half way through the gauntlet

One holiday down, one to go.  I wish I could say I got past the first unscathed, but that would be a lie.  I was kicked by caramels, kneed by nuts, chafed by chocolates, cut by cookies, punched by pop, and ruffled by Rolos.  

I lost that battle, but I'm still winning the war.  You see, I planned on "enjoying" my Christmas and New Years anyway, so indulging for both isn't a failure per se.  I was strictish last week leading up to Christmas, and I've started hiding all the leftover sweets ("out of sight, out of mind") and recommenced healthy eating leading up to New Years.  

Here's a money-making idea I came up with while "enjoying" Christmas.  If I were fat and looking to take advantage of our litigious society to make a quick buck, I'd consider suing England for introducing toffee to the world and South America for introducing cocoa.  Countries tend to have deep pockets and you could seek some of the punitive damages in the form of fish'n'chips and burritos!

The Church of Bod

This post is for everyone resolving to lose weight and maintain in 2011.  I don't know what level of dedication you need to achieve those goals, so I'm going to tell you about mine.

I have to be as devoted to my fitness initiatives as a preacher to his religion, meaning I have to consistently plan meals, think about what I'm eating, make time to exercise, and continue learning about health and nutrition.

Although people at the office think I'm practicing self-flagellation, I continue to seek reasonable, optimal health because of my goals to live and enjoy a long life and because of the rewards I enjoy as a result like more energy, a better self image, more strength, etc.

I can still eat naughty foods...I just have to make sure I'm eating healthy 95% of the time.

Best of luck with your healthy goals.  Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions, or need help getting motivated.

So far my holiday eating defense plan is working...

In anticipation of this weekend and next weekend, and as a consequence of my trip to Las Vegas last week, last night I limited my eating to salad- a significant accomplishment for a Sunday evening meal.  My mother-in-law made some incredible smelling lasagna that I would have normally devoured.

Here's how I did it:

- I ate a chicken breast and an apple right before going so I wouldn't be very hungry.  I'm convinced that going into a meal starving is the easiest way to screw up.
-I drank water before, during, and after the meal.
- I only had a small taste of the treats some neighbors brought by- toffee good enough to make The Queen Mother beg like a dog and soft, chewy Rolo cookies good enough to make Prince William marry Prince Harry.   

Also, my brother-in-law showed me the diabetes drum he used to use.  A 64 ounce monster, obviously not as imposing as the 100 ouncer pictured the other day, but very impressive nonetheless.  I could feel my blood-sugar rise just looking at it.

How is your holiday eating defense going for you?

My holiday defense attack plan

It's truly the most dangerous time of the year for a fit fatty at heart.  Throughout the year they jab...testing my defenses on Valentines Day, Easter, and Halloween.  During the holidays however, chocolate, caramel, butter, nougat, sugar, pretzels, cookies, and sprinkles unite their seductive, delicious...forces to take me down.

They're after you too.  Right now they're probably coordinating your demise in a peppermint-filled room. 

Here's my defense plan (I've learned that if I don't make one, I lose.  Period.):

-Don't make any Christmas goodies at home- there will be too many already from well-meaning neighbors, friends, etc.
-Try a small bite of Christmas goodies (to thank the givers) and take the rest to parties.  Keeping them out of the house as much as possible is crucial.
-With time off work, set aside extra time for exercise. 
-Watch Christmas movies while exercising.  "Ernest Saves Christmas" and "A Very Brady Christmas" are even better when watched on a treadmill.
-Eat a healthy dinner before I go to Christmas parties so I won't want as much food.

Let me know if you think anything else will work.

A shout out to soda guzzlers

The other day my brother and I went to a convenience store (I'm not going to tell you which, but it rhymes with "Naverick") and noticed this enormous receptacle that I nicknamed the "Diabetes Drum."  Look at him holding that Vesuvius-like vessel!  If you drink one of these tanks full of sugary or even diet drink every day, congratulations on accelerating your march toward type II diabetes!  Pancreases apparently love swimming in Mountain Dew.

Honestly, I love soda pop of all kinds, but I have to think of it as an OCCASIONAL treat only, as in once every few months maybe.  In trying to lose or maintain, you should too.

A reward for being fit

Last Friday I went skiing for the first time. I spent 6 hours on the slopes and fell a lot, but loved it.

My former fatty self would have probably hated the experience and been stiff and sore for days.

I'm pleased to report that thanks to being fit, the next morning I had no symptoms of "old man's disease," that master of sore muscles and ruiner of weekends.

An early new years resolution

At the office today, a co-worker and I made a new years resolution we named "6 by 6," meaning get a 6 pack by June. Isn't that name clever? We should be in charge of naming hurricanes. I'd name a hurricane something scary like "Hurricane Dracula" or "Hurricane Shredder," instead of a boring name like "Hurricane George."

I'm excited about this resolution because I've never had a 6 pack in my life, and for me, it's easier to maintain my fitness (and lose weight) with specific goals in mind...more on that later.

So let me know if you'd like to join in and if you have any tips for 6 pack seeking.

Consistant correction

Yesterday I had some bodacious BBQ for lunch and an extra helping of cornbread salad (probably 1000 calories per bite) and briskets. It was for my work Christmas party and I would have been a fit Grinch to hold out. I had been doing well for the week, but now I'm off. Here was my plan to get back on track:

-eat less for the rest of the day- check
-exercise- didn't do it because I had been up late the night before and needed to sleep
-get a good night's rest- check
-eat healthy the rest of the week- so far, so good
-have a reward on Saturday- conditional upon attainment of my weekly maintenance goal

This probably sounds crazy to you, but I have to operate like this to maintain. It's crucial to find and do what works for you.

A conspiracy theory revealed

I usually just laugh at conspiracy theories, but this one holds water far too well. After much contemplating, scribbling, twitching, and talking to myself in bathrooms, I finally figured out why hoverboards have never reached the marketplace.

Soon after their existence was revealed in Back to the Future II, the Fat Mafia (aka the "Husky" Mafia and the "Big-Boned" Mafia) bought the rights and technology to produce them. They had previously invested enormous amounts of money in the video-gaming industry and were petrified of the hoverboard's potential ability to lure kids away from their consoles.

I don't think we'll feel the hoverboard ecstasy experienced by Marty, Griff and the gang, or Doc and Clara until the gaming industry crumbles. Frankly, I'm jealous! Join me in bringing about the hoverboard by boycotting video games!

How do I find time to exercise?

I've found that for me, if I'm not exercising a total of about an hour per day, 5-6 days per week, I'm not maintaining, and I'm definitely not losing. Your requirements may very well be different (if they're less, INVU), but here is a guideline given by Edward R. Laskowski, M.D., from MayoClinic.com (emphasis added): "As a general goal, include AT LEAST 30 minutes of physical activity in your daily routine. If you want to lose weight or meet specific fitness goals, you may need to increase your activity even more. If you can't set aside time for a longer workout, try 10-minute chunks of activity throughout the day. Remember, the more active you are, the greater the benefits."

So how do I find time to exercise? I don't. I MAKE time and I multitask.

Here are some suggestions that help me:

-Read during cardio. It's obviously a lot easier to do this on a machine. I used to do all my reading in college on an exercise bike. It kept me awake and focused. Now I read scriptures while on the elliptical.
-Move while watching a movie. If I'm not doing cardio, I like to do core exercises while watching a flick.
-Split exercise time up during the day. I try to do 15 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes at the gym during lunch, and the rest in the evening.
-Use lunch time for working out. Since my meals are small and quick to prepare, and I don't go out to eat very often, I have plenty of time to eat and work out.
-Either wake up before the family or stay up later. This is the best way to eliminate distractions.
-Use exercise as reflection and planning time.
-Try to plan the week and each day out in advance. Planning weeks and days isn't intuitive to me, but I have to.

Let me know what helps you make time to exercise.

Most importantly, I always have to keep my short-term and long-term goals in mind, because if I don't, motivation to act often isn't there at any random moment. It's always a lot easier to procrastinate exercise if I haven't committed to it. It's definitely worth it though. Like Edgar Allen Poe wrote, "I took the road less traveled by, and that made me get ripped and a smokin' hot wife, sucka."

Why I'm glad I don't have a Falkor, believe it or not

I've learned there are two kinds of people: those who want their own Falkor, and those who have never seen Never Ending Story.

Although I'm part of the first group, I'm actually glad I don't have one for two reasons: 1. maintaining my fitness level would be far more difficult because I'd never walk...that's right, never...I would ride my Falkor even from the bed to the toilet, and 2. it would probably be expensive to feed and could be hard to house train.

An alarming reason to shed any excess fat...

My dear fatties (at heart),

I'm just the messenger here and am only trying to help. I don't want to be bumped out of line at restaurants, or have the Fat Mafia (responsible for Oprah's success and the creation of KFC's "Double Down" sandwich) put a hit on me for what I'm about to tell you...because...well, if you're fat, news like this is very annoying. I remember well.

Seriously though, I try to keep my blog upbeat, but a study published Thursday in the New England Journal of Medicine, reported on by Stephanie Nano of the Associated Press in an article titled "Study Says Even Being a Bit Overweight is Risky," gives a grim reason why ANY excess fat is a bad idea: "healthy white (the study focused on white participants because they were the vast majority) adults who were overweight were 13 PERCENT MORE LIKELY TO DIE during the time they were followed in the study than those whose weight is in an ideal range (defined in the study as a body mass index between 22.5 and 24.9)."

Dr. Michael Thun of the American Cancer Society, the senior author on the study, clarifies further: "having a little extra meat on your bones — if that meat happens to be fat — is harmful, not beneficial."

With the study complete, Amy Berrington of the National Cancer Institute claims "now there's really a very large body (I'm sure no pun was intended) of evidence which supports the finding that being overweight is associated with a small increased risk of death."

One more thing about the study...apparently it began after a controversial report was given by the Centers for Disease Control back in 2005 that claimed being overweight offered some health benefits (read both for more details). I actually remember hearing about that report on the news and curtailing a diet I was on at the time as a result!

The bottom line is it's in our best interest, if we're interested in extending our lives, to be within that defined BMI range (the only exception for exceeding it would be for excessive muscle mass and a low body fat percentage).

I know how fun it can be to be fat, but I also know how miserable it can be, and I'm telling you, it's better to be lean. Commit with me to either reach or maintain the defined BMI range, or "sweet spot," in 2011.

As far as the Fat Mafia is concerned, I'd ask a fatty to be my food tester but him/her reaching the sweet spot is more important to me than my own life.

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How do I lose and maintain while traveling (for work, pleasure, or both)?

The fit guy in me doesn't like traveling because it knocks me out of my routine. The fat guy in me finds out I have to travel and cries out, "woo hoo...I just won the lottery!!!" It's embarrassing when this happens at church. Here are some actions I have taken to force fit guy and fat guy to compromise, which benefits me the most.

-Planning meals in advance...perhaps the most important thing. If I leave every meal to chance, chances are they won't be very healthy. An easier way to do this is by:
-Taking healthier food with me.
-Buying food at grocery stores when I can. Once I had to try and find healthy food at a convenience store- difficult, but worthwhile. I found some protein bars, fruit, and almonds. Much healthier than going to McDonalds.
-Drinking water on planes.
-Ordering fish and steamed vegetables at restaurants.
-Avoiding eating at night or in my room.
-Focusing on fruits and hard-boiled eggs at continental breakfasts.
-Buying healthy snacks like fruit, etc.

I love a good meal on a business trip just as much as the next fatty at heart. The difference I believe is I try and save that meal for a designated cheat day so I can enjoy it more and maintain my momentum.

On family vacations, eating naughty food is often the best part. I get it. Still, I have to remind myself that once I go off the binge deep-end, recovering is always exponentially more difficult.

Please let me know what has worked for you.